SBTB Tournament: PTA Region
Thanks to everyone that has been spread the news about our epic tournament, it’s changing lives. The next region we will move to is the parents and teachers of SBTB. After the jump take a look at the contenders and as always choose wisely!
Girls of Zack Morris Region can be viewed here.
1. Mr. Belding
He is known by many names: Big Bopper Belding, Beldo, Richie, Fearless Sculptor of Youth. Richard Belding has been with SBTB from the very beginning. First at JFK, then at Bayside (including the decrepit run into the two failed versions of The New Class. OH The New Class, a disaster of Chernobylic proportions.) His trademark laugh and phrase “Hey-hey-hey-hey, what is going on here?” are known throughout civilization. Beldo was the brunt of a lot of jokes at Bayside, sometimes self-inflicted and other times brought on by the gang. Through it all though, he genuinely cared about the students. Well, at least he really cared about the SBTB gang. Seriously, the man loved this group and let them get away with all sorts of pranks, fights, class-cutting, illegal activities. I can only assume he took the same stance with all the others. Mr. Belding’s legacy remains to this day, a principal for all seasons.
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16. Mrs. Culpepper
If there is one area Mrs. Culpepper will struggle with in this match-up it is sight. Dear Mrs. C was as blind as a bat. She regularly looked in the wrong direction when addressing people and usually had her hands out in front of her as she walked. It’s pretty obvious she was legally blind and should have had a dog or a cane or something to help her get around. I’m sure there is some kind of California law allowing for teachers with disabilities to work as long as they are productive. However they did not help her out much as she was given a map in her Geography class that was not brail and she was also put in charge of an art sculpting class, not exactly her fortés.
The Match-up: These two have a history. Aside from working together they were involved with a secret admirer incident. Mrs. Culpepper dropped what she only knew to be a lost letter into the Principal’s inbox into what she thought was the Lost and Found. This was the only episode these boxes appeared outside Mr. Beldings office but then again it occured during the Tori Paradox.
8. Melanie Morris
Imagine you are the mother of Zack Morris. How would you deal with that blessing/burden? Melanie seemed to do it with a chipper attitude. An admitted Peter, Paul, and Mary fanatic, it seems she might have often turned to weed to clam her worries over her dynamic son. Aside from puffing the magic dragon, Melanie was a caring person. She brought Laura Benton and her father into her home at Christmas time. She was the voice of care when Zack announced he was marrying Kelly. That does not mean she couldn’t be stern. The boys fake IDs were taken from them when she found out they were sneaking to The Atttic at night. You have to wonder how her relationship with Derrick was. Zack was an only child, was that by design? You never know what is going on in suburbia.
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9. Dr. Turtle
That’s right. Care to know what Lisa’s Mom’s first name is? Tough. It’s Dr. Turtle and that’s it. [Seriously on IMDB she’s Dr. Turtle] Dr. Turtle is married to Dr. Turtle. This combo of surgeon on surgeon love had to have a palacial Southern California estate that rivaled the Banks home in Bel Air. Lisa got to enjoy the spoils being the only child. While the young Turtle certainly got pampered and treated like a princess and never had to work a day in her life (except when she got a job at The Max to pay for her huge debt racked up on Dad’s credit card) the Dr. could be stern with her. Lisa was made to volunteer as a candy striper at the hospital where the doctor sliced open people. She also got into big trouble when Zack wrecked the doctor’s Mercedes drunk driving. Dr. Turtle yanked her from the homecoming parade even though she had been elected queen. True responsibility from the Turtles while providing a great life for their daughter. I bet an 18 year-old Jalen Rose would have called Lisa a bitch.
The Match-up: It’s the mother of all battles. It’s hard to judge this strictly on parenting, it’s anybody’s game. Will Mrs. Morris smoke the doctor or will Dr. Turtle cut up Mrs. Morris like a surgeon (/shows self out).
5. Mr. Dewey
Mr. Dewey was seemingly a dorky math teacher on the outside but was actually a cool guy you wouldn’t mind have a drink or five with. His deadpan humor was probably lost on the young minds of Bayside, but was beloved by dozens of fans everywhere. He was proficient at pencil karate, a fan of American Gladiators (he once tried out) and enjoyed long quadratic equations as a way to “kill time before the bell rings”. Behind the slim build, brown suitcase, and Sherman from Rocky and Bullwinkle glasses was a tough shaper of young minds. I’ll never forget his credo uttered in the Screech’s surprise birthday episode: “Don’t mess with the Dew-man.”
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12. Roberta Powers
I asked earlier how it would feel to be Zack’s mom, I shudder to ask about being Screech’s mom. The interesting thing about the Powers parents (aside from never seeing Dad) is that they oscillated between being as dorky as Screech was and hating on him for said dorkiness. In the episode we see Roberta in she is off to Graceland for a second honeymoon. It is revealed she is a huge Elvis fanatic, down to having a hound called “Houndog” and a statue of Elvis set upon a gold pedastal facing her kitchen (so he can watch her cook). She leaves a long list of things not for Screech today, paramount being no parties but in any teen entertainment situation when a parent says no party you know there is going to be one. The party comes out of necessity to raise money to buy a replacement Elvis statue that is broken in the following manner: The guys are in Screech’s living room dancing in neon shorts, tank tops and sunglasses to the Beach Boy’s “Barbara Ann” and unbeknowsnt to them Lisa, Kelly, Jessie, and Violet watch and mock them. Once the guys discover the girls they continue mocking and mock dance and that dancing knocks over the golden pedastal. They try to win the money back by beating rich nerd Maxwell Nerdstrom in a poker game but Zack bets everything, including Houndog on his 4 Queens. Maxwell has 4 Kings. Face. With that plan out the window the gang throws a party and even when Roberta returns to see the part and the statue is replaced at the last moment she has no qualms about it since they disguise it as a anniversary party for the Powers. Yeah, sitcom parents are not very bright.
The Match-Up: Contrast of styles here as the clam-voiced math teacher takes on the eccentric Elvis-loving Mom. My oh my I feel the temperature rising!
4. Mr. Tuttle
The roly-poly boombastic and sometimes rhyme master Mr. Tuttle comes in at the 4 seed. You’re probably thinking he should have been higher. Think about it. He was incredibly dynamic as a teacher. He taught science, glee club, economics, driver’s ed, and was even head of the teacher’s union. However in the spirit of Tuttle being passed over when he was next in line for principal of Bayside, he gets a tough 4 seed. Tuttle never made any bones about his disdain for Richard Belding. He oft mocks him to his face. This means if the seeds hold we could see a Sweet Sixteen match-up of the two.
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13. Frank Kapowski
The mystery that is Frank Kapowski locks in at 13. We don’t know much about him. We do know he does not believe in birth control. He and the Mrs. had 7 kids. Kelly and six other siblings. He makes his appearance in the infamous prom episode. Now I don’t want to judge a man, a father of 7 but here goes…In the episode Kelly finally decides to choose Zack over Slater. Zack of course is beside himself with joy. Frank informs Kelly that he lost his job at a defense plant because “world peace broke out”. [Even if the SBTB universe is a slightly different yet parallel one to ours do we think the US would stop its defense spending outright if peace brok out. Also, there will never be world peace at least in the universe you and I live in] Kelly wants to help the family out (even though Frank had to have gotten some kind of severance package) by returning the money he gave her for prom. At first Frank does the proper fatherly thing and declines. Kelly starts to insist. NOW here is where Frank should have said you’re going to the prom and that’s it but instead he takes the cash from his own daughter. Bad form sir. In a way though it worked out because Zack and Kelly had their own special prom on the picnic table and the rest is history. Frank only reappears in the Wedding in Vegas episode to give Kelly away.
The Match-up: Tuttle never gets his chance to shine, he will definitely be playing the “no one believes in us” card. Frank is probably just happy to be here.
6. Leon Carosi
Leon is the portly owner of the Malibu Sands Beach Club. He is known for being crotchety, cheap, and a nepotist to his daughter Stacey. He is a business man through and through and the sustainability of his beloved Beach Club usually takes the majority of his attention. It’s not unusual to see he and Stacey’s mother have split. The summer is the one time he gets to have her and what does he do? Puts her to work managing all the summer help. He only seems to be happy when something great goes in his favor. However by the end of the summer we learn he is a big softy at heart who cares for his daughter very much and who ended up taking a big shine to Zack (seriously who wouldn’t after months of being around him). Leon ends up giving Zack a hug, a ton of cash for the breakfasts he made him serve him, and leads him to a lone table with Stacey waiting. He apparently reached the “it’s okay if you’re banging my daughter” level of fondness for young Morris. Despite his gumpiness in the early Malibu Sands episodes I think Carosi has the chance to go far in this tournament.
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11. Ms. Wentworth
Standing in Leon’s way is the alluring Ms. Wentworth. The single and sassy social studies teacher often used highly inventive methods to teach her students about the world around them. She assigned a family history project which led to the legendary “Running Zack” situation. She also taught her kids about subliminal advertising which Zack used to try to brainwash Kelly into picking him for the Sweetheart dance. Ms. W was often a stern teacher, not letting her students skirt by on their assignments. She also had a bit of a cougar side to her. In the subliminal message example she plays for her students it is revealed she included a message about single parents because she is available. Who knows, maybe she even liked younger men. I’m not saying she would end up on one of those news reports as a teacher taking indecent liberties with a minor, I’m just saying I wouldn’t be completely shocked.
The Match-Up: I think Ms. Wentwork has the size advantage here height wise but look for Leon to throw his weight around.
3. Derrick Morris
When we first meet Derrick Morris we are shocked to learn his name is Derrick. This is because his name was Peter in the Miss Bliss years and he was a single, balding man who was every bit a jokester and poon slayer as his son. This incarnation of Zack’s father is much more stern and serious. He alsoHe’s a hard working computer salesman who drifts apart from his son for awhile. He becomes obsessed with his huge cell phone, which we see was actually the inspiration for Zack to get his. Once Derrick sees he was becoming disconnected from the family he took Zack on a fishing trip and apparently mended the broken relationship. He still continued to work hard though, often out of town on business. He played a pivotal and emotional role in the drinking and driving episode as he comes down hard on Zack for his foolish decision that put the gang’s life in danger. When Zack comes home to inform his parents he has proposed to Kelly he lets Zack know it is not a good idea to get married while young and still in college. Not only does he not give his blessing for the marriage, he does it while sporting a pretty epic beard. In the end he (and his beard) comes around of course, who can resist the power of Zack and Kelly?
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14. Jeremiah Laskey
Oh Jeremiah. You snake, you heathen, you immoral bastard. Look, it’s not like I can bag on a guy too bad for not being able to resist the charms of Kelly Kapowski but in this man’s opinion there are some things in this life you just don’t do. You don’t spit on Superman’s cape, you don’t play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city, and you don’t bang a student if you are a professor at a university. Professor Laskey will have us believe he is an expert at human behavior and interaction but it turns out he is great at studying past cultures and apes but not so much his own interaction with the female contemporary population. He’s the young, hip, good looking professor the girls where short skirts in the front row for. He at first deflects Kelly’s advances. This was the right thing to do. He’s divorced, lives in his office half the time and a van down by the beach (not the river) the other half, and he has a young daughter. But after awhile he thinks with his southern head and not the one stuffed with psuedo-intellectual nonsense. Of course he lives under constant threat of being exposed to the administration but ultimately Kelly comes to her senses and returns to Zack. Who out there will vote for Jeremiah? I’m sure there are some, after all he totally got in Kelly’s pants.
The Match-Up: Responsible adult versus Irresponsible adult: WHO YA GOT?
7. Mrs. Simpson
Experience, Mrs. Simpson haz it. She is the old English English teacher (pay attention)who can’t quite hear that well or at all. This leads to numerous hilarious exchanges in the classroom. She tried to get a hearing aid once but it was so powerful the bell ringing and shouting from people usually thinking she is deaf made her throw it away. She is a romantic at heart and enjoys Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet as well as his sonnets. She commits a faux pass when she calls Zack and Kelly up to recite some love poetry even though Kelly had recently ditched him for Jeff. They say when you lose a sense all your others become more enhanced, so she’s got that going for her (which is nice).
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10. Terrible Testaverde
I am unaware if there is any relation to former NFL QB Vinny. George Testaverde gets his nickname from the manner in which he gives his oral exams (stop snickering in the back). He basically goes a mile a minute and a talks faster than humans should be able to. This of course stresses out the students. Lisa is forced to gorge herself on chocolate. His lectures were impossible to follow. Now it may have crossed the student’s minds that the history material he taught was in the history book, but the fast-talking probably threw them off that scent. Zack of course hatches a plan to outwit Testaverde and is so confident he bets Slater he aces the test. Things naturally go awry because Screech loses his psychic powers and Zack is forced to trick Testaverde into not coming into school because of busted plumbing. But if Zack had only known that George’s hobby was plumbing, he would have chosen another excuse. Who likes plumbing as a hobby. If he likes plumbing that much ditch the teaching, plumbers make decent coin. I’m almost certain Testaverde had an extensive Micro Machine collection for some reason.
The Match-up: Mrs. Simpson has the experience edge but has the game passed her by. Testaverde may be able to jump veyr high considering is a mustacheod plumber.
2. Miss Bliss
Carrie Bliss is everything you want in a teacher. Compassionate, kind, caring, takes her job seriously, jovial, and extremley patient. She also has a British accent. In the SBTB universe she exists in the parallel universe parallel to the traditional Bayside unverse. She taught at JFK Junior High outside Indianapolis. We find out in the first epsiode that Miss Bliss is a widow. Through the rest of her time teaching Zack, Lisa, Screech, and the bizzaro Slater and Jessie she helps the kids in and out of the classroom. He committment to the kids was unparalleled and helped her win School Days magazine teacher of the year. She may not have the be from a great conference according to the SBTBRPI but she has proven she deserves the high seed as a founding member of SBTB and her track record.
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15. Mylo
I often feel Mylo is an overlooked character. So overlooked I spelled his name wrong on the initial bracket. His official title was maitainence supervisor at JFK Junior High but I guess that’s just a fancy way of saying he was head janitor. Yet that never sopped him from wearing a shirt and tie everyday to work. He often imparted wisdom to the young students and also kept a sharp eye on them. For some reason he had an incredible knowledge of potatoes and other general trivia. According to Wikipedia his catchphrase was “Mylo gots to get his!” which I think he said more than once if at all and is slightly racist.
The Match-up: Miss Bliss was always cordial to Mylo but the gloves are off, there’s a SBTB title to win.
Last Four Out: Mr. Dickerson(History teacher that went nuts and was replaced by Rod Belding), Dr.Turtle(Lisa’s Dad), Jennifer (school nurse), Tony Crane(hunky substitute who subbed for Mrs. Simpson)
