Cloudy With a Chance of Riggle
By Thomas Gallant
About this time a week ago, I was waking up after having knee surgery. About the only thing I can remember from the hospital is apologizing to the nurse as she rolled me to the recovery room for “being so chatty when I’m shitfaced.” They sent me home with 40 Percocet to get through the week. Forty. Let’s just say I have some extra.
I had cleared my calendar for the next few days of all operating of heavy machinery, taking showers, and having sensible conversations. This sounded like a perfect opportunity to have a chat with the explosive Rob Riggle. If you don’t recognize Riggle from the above picture or his name alone, perhaps the words “Catalina Wine Mixer” will help jog your memory. If not, I’m sure he’d be happy to have you tased IN THE FACE. For more on what I think I remember from our conversation about what else Rob is working on, keep reading after the jump.
In preparing for this interview, I was ready to talk to the strong, badass personality I’ve seen in so many of Riggle’s characters. The guy is still a Major in the Marine Corps Reserve and has served in Liberia, Kosovo, and Afghanistan. As it turns out, he’s kind of a teddy bear:
TG: I just want to give you a disclaimer that I’m a little bit gooned on painkillers right now because I had knee surgery this week, so if I seem a little loopy that’s why.
RR: Aww, I’m sorry to hear that. Are you in pain?
Seriously wasn’t expecting to get any sympathy from the guy known for lines like “POW! POW!”
TG: So I’m wondering if I should suck it up and take the pain like a man or just fall in to a state of euphoria and forget about the next two weeks?
RR: (laughing) Well if they’re giving you painkillers, take them.
That’s more like it. Ok, let’s spend a little time talking about the past.
TG: In The Hangover, there’s talk that originally the intention was to actually taze the actors. If you had a choice, which of the three would you have liked to have shocked?
RR: (laughs) That’s a tough call, a real tough call. I’d hate to shoot any of them, but if I had to I’d probably shoot Ed because he’s my friend. He would understand, and I’d be really really gentle.
Gentle? Where do you buy the stun gun with the “gentle” setting on it? They must sell those during late night infomercials on Lifetime.
TG: When you were on The Daily Show, were you allowed to look Jon Stewart in the eye or were you relegated to a lower caste system on the show.
RR: We were allowed to, but just for very brief intervals.
TG: One thing you publicized while on The Daily Show is your military background. What are your thoughts on us getting Bin Laden this week?
RR: I was really glad that we got him, like pretty much everybody else in the world I was relieved. I was really proud of the guys that got him.
TG: On a lighter note, while you were in the military what was the longest you went without showering when you were stationed overseas?
RR: I actually kept track of this and the number is slipping my mind. I want to say it was like 39 days.
TG: Thirty Nine?
RR: When I was in Kosovo - we had just come up through Macedonia and it was all expeditionary stuff and there weren’t any facilities, we were living out of tents, under the stars. There were no showers.
TG: And along the same lines, what was the longest you went without getting laid when overseas?
RR: Pretty much every time I was overseas none of that happened.
TG: Any correlation between how long it was between showers and the absence of getting laid?
RR: You mean if I had been properly showered with AXE shower gel? Funny you should mention that. I don’t know if you know this or not, but AXE is relaunching their shower gel brand and they are doing it through a web series called the AXE Dirtcathlon. They’ve asked me to be the host of it, which I was more than willing to do. It’s kind of like a reality show meets a game show with four hot young couples competing to win a trip to Spain.
TG: That sounds pretty cool. What else are you working on, looks like a 21 Jump Street remake? IMDB doesn’t have a character listed for you yet, but my guess is that you’re a high school football coach whose players have steroid problems. My other guess is that Jonah Hill is not one of said players.
RR: Not far off the mark, I am playing a high school teacher. We just started filming and getting in to it but we’re already having a blast.
TG: I also caught the trailer for Larry Crowne with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. I see his character drives a scooter. I also drive a scooter. He gets Julia Roberts, what do you think my chances are?
RR: Um, I think you also need to win two Academy Awards.
TG: That would probably help. Do you think he uses any AXE Shower Gel products to help score Julia?
RR: I would not be surprised.
TG: On career path in general, I’ve noticed you’ve taken some similar steps that Steve Carrell has. Y’know, The Daily Show, movies with Will Ferrell, remaking TV shows. I was thinking the two of you could remake the movie “Twins” with you being the big guy and him being the little guy. What do you think?
RR: (laughs) Well thank you very much, you’re probably assuming my muscles are as big as Arnold Schwarzenegger’s.
TG: These days they might be. Have you seen any recent beach pictures of him?
OK, time to wrap things up. My percocet is in full swing and I need to take a nap to ignore the fact that I haven’t been able to shit in 3 days.
TG: After hosting the Dirtcathlon, have you talked to AXE about creating an eau de Riggle scent as part of their line?
RR: I haven’t, but thank you for bringing that up. I am going to now.
TG: And what would the scent be?
RR: It would have a hint of beer smell in it and musk. Manly musk and beer scent.
Follow Rob on Twitter: @RobRiggle
(Special thanks to Adam Ferguson for contributing some of these questions in return for some of my spare percocet)
