Joys of Summer
By Thomas Gallant
It was a brutal winter here in the Northeast US. Nary a week went by without a new threat of another foot of snow blanketing the ground; shutting down schools, clearing out supermarket shelves, keeping plows on landscaping trucks, and causing mass yuppie hysteria. Thankfully, winter is behind us and it’s time to start wearing white instead of shoveling it.
Despite the humidity, triple-digit temperatures, high electric bills, and long lines for the latest iPhone, the days between Memorial Day and Columbus Day are my favorite time of year. It’s time to break out the Toys of Summer and have some serious fun. Here are a few ways I like to take advantage of the sunshine season.
Boats
Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.
- K. Grahame
If it floats, I’m game. My favorite hobbies all involve the water or are improved by it: rowing, scuba diving, fishing, drinking, kayaking, jetskiing, and disposing of dead bodies. Aside from that last one, I’ve amassed a collection of buoyant toys that help make it all possible at the drop of a hat. It also appears to be the best way to make friends.
Charity
If you’ve been reading Desonesto or YesButNoButYes for a while, then you’ve heard of KFAC. In just under two months, we’ll be paddling across Long Island Sound for the 11th time. I’ve personally done the crossing 7 times and raised over $10,000 for some great charities. It’s a great way to combine a challenging day on the water with that good feeling you get by supporting those that really need it. Interested in learning more? Visit www.kfac.com, and keep an eye out for more events in places like Philly and Chicago. Don’t kayak? Perhaps join the folks at Swim Across America and help in the fight against cancer.
Skin
That’s right, it’s skin season. I wouldn’t be a man if I couldn’t admit that I love the ladies’ summer wardrobe, especially those that have all of the 5 T’s. It isn’t just bikini’s either. Who doesn’t love a sundress on a beautiful woman? To me it says “hey guys, I’m relaxed, approachable, and well ventilated.”
The Grill
Medium rare or medium well, charcoal or gas - doesn’t matter how you like it, summer means it’s time to cook outside. Why heat up the whole kitchen with an oven or stove when you can easily throw some burgers, shrimp, veggies or whatever out on the grill to cook. Best part? No dishes to clean! Sure, some people claim that you can cook a steak in a frying pan but let’s be honest that’s like getting a reach around from your cousin: it’s still steak, but it just “feels” wrong.
Road Trips
It’s the American way. Eisenhower gave us the interstate system and every summer families set out to take advantage of it. Even with gas approaching $5/gallon, it still makes sense to drive to your favorite lakeside cabin or beach house destination. That’s not necessarily because it’s more economical than buying 5 plane tickets, but because it builds character. See the country. Learn how to go pee or be hungry only when it’s time to stop for gas. Bring the dog. Leave the PSP at home and play old fashioned car games. No security screening means nobody will take your weed away. Hit the road.
Outdoor Entertainment
Whether it’s Shakespeare in the park, live music at an amphitheater, or a bonfire - it’s great to get outside. It turns out blankets, like amphetamines, have year-round uses.
Dishonorable Mention: Weddings
Yes, it’s wedding season. Brides everywhere will be checking the weather to see if it is going to rain on their big day and ruin their $50,000 party that is 90% like the one held at that place last weekend. I’m over being invited to weddings. I hate wedding DJs. Here’s a new concept: have a small wedding when you actually get married, have a huge reception if you make it 5 years. To all my friends that didn’t invite me to their weddings, thank you. To the ten or so that invited me this year alone, I’ll probably still show up but don’t expect me to be sober.
Enjoy the season and don’t forget your sunscreen.
TG
