Real Milestones
By Thomas Gallant
The way life used to work, the only time you got free extra credit was getting your name right on the SATs. While I’m hesitant to use the term “back in my day” as it reminds me of people that have grey hair growing out of their nostrils and ears, it would appear that the current generation of youngsters (aka: my friend’s kids) are just given too much to be happy about.
Now, I’ve got plenty of friends that still live to play Mortal Kombat and admit that ours is the video game generation that is compounding the errors of our youth in to our own offspring, but at the rate we’re going these kids are going to want a fucking congratulatory banquet after successfully executing their parents’ funerals. I think the benefits of a good education and extra curricular activities are obvious, but do we have to pin a medal on a kid every time he wipes his ass?
Liberal Trash
By Adam Ferguson
It’s no longer the ads for a better sex life. No longer ways to get rich fast. Notices of great deals seem to go unnoticed. No, what clogs my inbox these days are many many e-mails from my good-hearted, but increasingly annoying über-liberal friends who assume sending along a “Save the Gulf” e-mail is a sufficient way to participate in ridding the world of ecological disasters.
I’m all for saving the environment. I watched March of the Penguins and got misty eyed. But please, for the love of granola, stop sending me every single piece of information about how I can create a better world for my children. Not only does it add to the noise, but it reduces my empathy for the cause.
After all, what good is a world if you feel like shit for being human in it?
