By Thomas Gallant
For both of you wondering why it’s been so long since I’ve written (hint: it isn’t because I’ve been banging Adam’s neice girlfriend), it’s mostly due to the fact that I’ve spent little time at my computer in the past few weeks. It’s true, my computer has seen as much of me as Sarah Palin has seen of Russia from her backyard.
I could ramble on about the various weddings and other events I’ve been to in July, but who wants to read about that? What I’d like to do is share some of the things I’ve seen people do while driving. Things that don’t seem to cause the law-creating outrage that talking or texting do. I’m guilty of at least some of these myself:
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By Johnny Wright
While flying over Anchorage on his way to Asia, the Cally-forney-a governor poked a little fun at Sarah Palin. He cheekily Tweeted: “Over Anchorage, AK. Looking everywhere but can’t see Russia from here. Will keep you updated as search continues.”
Oh snap! Sarah, you just got served!
Not to be outdone, or show she has a sense of humor, the half-governor hit back. Remember, 33% of her life is Twitter and Facebook. The remaining 2/3 being fleecing sheep as she market tests future stump speeches. Sarah pithily (I use that word loosely and sarcastically) Tweeted, “Arnold should have landed; I could have explained our multi-million dollar state surplus & US energy efforts. What’s he been up to?”
Ahh, the high road…
Never mind she hasn’t worked for the state in quite some time. Arnie, in your face! Is your nose bleeding! You got smacked!
Is this what we have sunk to? Public figures bickering on Twitter like the twits on The Hills or the embarrassing Lohan Clan?
I have a source that says the Governator’s next move is to set up a fake Facebook account using an Abercrombie & Fitch model as the profile pic. Then start sending Palin fake love notes, making her think she has a new model boyfriend. Then pull the rug out, reveal the rouse, thus giving Palin an eating disorder.
By Thomas Gallant
A challenge is defined differently by everybody. For some, a challenge is not eating their 12th donut for breakfast or wiping their ass without getting any on their hand. For others, it’s the Iron-man out in Hawaii or reverse bungee BASE jumping. This weekend, some of us here at the Doctrine are taking on our own challenges. For Adam, you might think his challenge is to go an entire day without anybody noticing that he’s wearing a purple thong, but in actuality he’s riding his bike from Manhattan to Fairfield, CT. In a similar test of strength, I’m joining 3 rowers to take on the Hudson River from the Tappan Zee Bridge to the George Washington Bridge in a 25 kilometer endurance race. I heard a rumor that Johnny was headed to Florida to help Sarah Palin protest the Quran burning (and maybe steal a few locks of her hair) until it got canceled. I hope Baierman is fixing up a batch of magically delicious bread squares and breakfast links to share with everybody once we’re done. What challenges you?
By Johnny Wright - National Correspondent
Oh boy. Above you’ll see another attempt by Sarah Palin to make a deep thought. It’s bad enough that she writes like a 14-year-old, using “2” instead of “to” — that’s a one letter difference! You’re not saving any time! Write like an adult! — but again wildly missing a correct word is getting ridiculous.
Remember, Miss Mama Grizzly used the non-word “refudiate” just a couple weeks ago. Then said she was like Shakespeare, expanding the English language.
The bit in question is “a cackle of rads.” Let’s assume that “rad” is short for radicals. I think. She could mean really tubular BMX riders. Those kids are rad. But “cackle?” I don’t know what is going on there. Translated literally, the phrase is “a shrill cry of bitchin’ skateboarders…”
Could she be trying to use the word “gaggle?” Maybe. But we’ve learned not to give the half-governor that has made it an art to be “just like you” the benefit of the doubt. Sadly, she is just dumb. Stick-a-fork-in-a-light-socket stupid.
It’s becoming to pathetic too even cackle about.
