By Adam Ferguson
The first time I went to Paris, I didn’t shit for three days. I attribute it to the French cheese, steak and bread filling up my intestinal track as tight as a tractor trailer packed with illegals in Juarez. I assumed this was a record - or, at least, a personal record. But my personal record was beaten this past weekend.
As I mentioned earlier, I spent the weekend in a state of blissful drug-induced recovery after my wisdom teeth extraction. And along with the recovery and a mouth full of teeth so sore it felt like I’d gone eight two rounds with Tyson in his prime, I was on an all liquid and soft foods diet. So, before my surgery at 8am on Friday I emptied out what was left in my body. And that didn’t happen again until noon on Tuesday.
100 hours. Without shitting. I’m calling Guinness.
So now we turn to you dear readers. What’s the longest you’ve gone without shitting? Without puking? (My record on that one is 11 years) Without sex? Without food? Let us know in the comments section.
