By Adam Ferguson
You’ve got to watch those curbs. They can be dangerous.
By Adam Ferguson
There’s a scene toward the end of Saving Private Ryan in which Tom Hanks and what’s left of his team wait for the German army to arrive. In the distance, you hear the low rumbling of a tank. Because Spielberg does such an excellent job of building suspense, it seems like years for that tank to arrive. But once it does, you realize the build-up made the climax that much better.
This amateur video is all about the build up.
By Adam Ferguson
I sat down to write with the goal of picking apart Donald Trump’s uncontrolled virus of bloated self aggrandizing. But then I came across this headline from the geniuses at The Onion, and realized it said all that needed to be said.
I Said the Word “Cute”
By Johnny Wright
This is not good. I’m at a crossroads. It is very possible that I have to revaluate my entire life.
The other day, in casual conversation and with no provocation, the word “cute” came out of my mouth. Now I feel that I am lost in the woods. Who am I now?
Some context: My 5-year-old nephew is really funny. Little-bit-of-pee-may-come-out funny. The other day he asked me what a dingo is. So I told him, a wild dog from Australia. Now it is one of his favorite insults. While we were wrestling, he jumped on my head and yelled “Gotcha dingo!” Always wanting to help in the education of my nephews I asked, “What country do dingoes come from?”
“Africa!” Ooh, close.
“No, it’s a different place that also starts with an “A.”
“Japan!” Wait, what?
I lost it. Laughing uncontrollably. Then a fake fight broke out, slinging silly insults. After a few salvos of mockery, Luke pulled this beauty out of the rafters, “Well I’m going to go to beard.com and take away your beard!”
Wow. No comeback for that. After stopping laughing, I told the story to his mom and said … hold on, having a hard time typing this … “It was really cute.”
I froze. What did I just say?!? Where did that come from?
Now I don’t even know who I am and am questioning my entire personality and life.
By Johnny Wright
Big Brother is watching you, morons…
If you’re at the mall, texting an important message, you may want to look up every couple seconds. Or you could end up in the drink.
This poor lady was caught on CCTV taking a header into a mall fountain. And mall employees laughed and put it up on the YouTube. I wish I could have seen the faces of the other mall patrons as a dripping, soaking woman walked by. “What the hell?!?”
By Johnny Wright
The Birthers just keep on swinging and missing…
I often complain about dumb people. About how people refuse to look at facts and ignore them no matter how obvious they are.
Above is Anderson Cooper smacking around a Birther conspiracy theorist like a cheap pinata. All of the nonsense of President Obama being born in Kenya was debunked years ago. The certificate of live birth — which is what Hawaii provides to everyone requesting proof of birth of an individual in the state — has been seen, documented and verified during the 2008 campaign. The document is accepted by the government to receive your passport. And yet, there are some dopes that continue to believe internet rumors that have no factual basis.
This has just become sad. As sad as the idiots that believe we faked the moon landing on a soundstage after all their claims have been proven wrong. It is just a waste of time, energy and money.
It would have been interesting to have seen George W. Bush’s college transcripts and alleged police record, but the administration refused to release them. As is their right. So that was that.
Let it go, crazy people. You’re holding a pair of deuces and facing a royal flush of facts. Know when to fold ‘em.
The Kids Are Going To Love “Pubic” Schools!
By Johnny Wright
For crying in the night…
Take a good look at that billboard that was erected (bad word choice) in South Bend Indiana. In an attempt to promote the benefits of public schools, the cement-heads at the sign company inadvertently showed that the Indiana school system did not benefit them.
Pubic Schools. We’re missing a consonant, Hoosiers, and therefore vastly changing the message of the ad.
Nobody noticed the blooper until the sign was already up and commuters began calling to complain/mock. Perhaps in South Bend, Sex Ed classes are amazing and spelling classes need to be reexamined.
This pathetic gaffe being in South Bend, Touchdown Jesus appeared to weep on Notre Dame’s campus. His football team is 1-2 and most likely going to get whooped by Stanford this weekend. Not cool, Dumb Sign Makers. Also not great, the sign was (it has been taken down) was on Ironwood Road. Wow.
What would be the best 15 things about pubic schools? Let your imaginations work in the comments if you have some.
