By Thomas Gallant
Like a few other people, I watched “The Day After Tomorrow,” actually made it to the end, and found it to be a bit of a stretch, especially the final scenes (SPOILER ALERT in case you’ve been in a cave) where the US population is trying to cross the border in to Mexico and they show a satellite image of North America being primarily frozen over:
Hollywood. Bullshit. Exaggeration. Al Gore Propaganda. Call it what you want, but given this image available today (and the 4 feet of snow outside that my northeastern friends won’t stop bitching about on Facebook) about the current weather system across the country, it might make you have second thoughts about how close we really are to an instant ice age:
Snowpacolypse, Snowmageddon, Snowlocaust (too soon?). Call it what you want, it’s fucking cold outside. Bundle up, apparently no matter where you are.
TG
By Thomas Gallant
I sleep like I’m dead. There are people that say “I can sleep anywhere” and what they really mean is “Sure, I’ll be polite and sleep on your shitty fold out couch and just hide the scars left by the springs that poke through,” but I can actually sleep anywhere. I once rode from NYC to the Hamptons sleeping upside down in the back seat of an Audi, and one other time making the same trip on a bus but slept in the aisle the entire way out. Perhaps those two instances in particular were the leftovers of ecstasy experimentation in college, but I do sleep very deeply.
As a kid, the only thing mother nature could throw at me to interrupt a wet dream was an earthquake. You CT readers will remember that one time we had an earthquake, right? West Coast Richter scales probably get the same readings the CT earthquake generated just by measuring Van Nuys, Canoga Park, or Chatsworth, CA on a daily basis. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked “how about that thunderstorm last night?” and have no idea what people are talking about.
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By Thomas Gallant
So it’s Tuesday, January 4th, 2011. Yesterday was your first day back at the office and it went by pretty fast, right? You dreaded it all night on Sunday after not having been at work or worked too hard for a week or two. That was the night you probably created a strategy about what outfit to wear on Monday. Part of you wanted to wear that new sweater you got from Grandma because it is a little roomy and hides the extra slice of prime rib and dozen cookies you had at Christmas dinner, but you also didn’t think the folks of the office would be kind if you showed up in a baggy, loud Hunt Club sweater from JCPenny.
So here we are, Tuesday. The second of approximately 20 business days you will spend writing 2010 on things instead of 2011. Your boss is asking if you got the memo about the team meeting at 1:15 to go over this quarter’s budget and achievement goals as outlined in the latest QED report. Today will be a little longer than yesterday because you’re out of funny holiday stories to tell to pass the time. That guy that you saw puking on new years eve? Nobody cares. Back to your desk.
If any of the above relates to you, congratulations, you’re gainfully employed and doing better than the 10% of the population that includes Adam and myself - the unemployed. While we wait to hear back from Sterling Cooper about the resumes we had sent in, we are thankful for broadband, tumblr, and Call of Duty. So here’s to hoping 2011 has a little more variety to it than John Boehner’s tan and hopefully Adam and I can make enough cake to get back to the boat’s n ho’s lifestyle we have grown so accustomed to.
TG
By Thomas Gallant
I don’t know what kind of kool aid they serve at the Skywalker Ranch, but it must be some good shit. Apparently, and I know this isn’t breaking news, there are plans to slowly bleed out 3D versions of the Star Wars movies. Really George, did you have to? I am pretty sure I’m not the only one that has issues with this, but here are some of my reasons why.
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By Thomas Gallant
I have returned from Middle Earth and am adjusting back to the pace of my normal life. I’ve noticed that my BMW has a few more miles on it and Adam wasn’t even nice enough to top off the tank. Also, judging by the stains on the bed and the empty bottle of AXE personal lubricant, he did in fact sleep here.
It’s been nearly 10 years since I last crossed the Pacific and just about as much time since I took a solid two week vacation from anything. Luckily, my blackberry data connection wasn’t working and wifi was tough to find and usually overpriced when available as I toured through New Zealand. This was a refreshing return to the primitive life we lived back before the late ’90s. I don’t miss dial-up or the popularity of Birkenstock sandals, however I do still get a little teary-eyed when I hear the Verve’s “Freshman” and have spent many days wondering how I ever used to live without a cell phone. Not even a smart phone, just a dumb cell phone with a fancy alphanumeric display. Ah the good old days.
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By Thomas Gallant
Let’s face it, we’re all a little passive-aggressive. Most people really don’t want a confrontation unless it is absolutely necessary, or we’re sure they have WMD’s. However, we all get a little kick out of a nemesis getting their just desserts. I’m reminded of my own passive aggressiveness every time I travel and perhaps every time I write for the Doctrine. Since I’m currently doing both, I thought I’d take a moment to point out some common examples of things we tend to take in stride and then bitch about later, despite the opposing party being within arms reach.
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