(I originally wrote this on YesButNoButYes, but I figured it was time to bring it back out.)
My intern keeps winking at me, rubbing her stomach and whispering “nine months” as she walks past. Lou, from accounting, dropped off a pamphlet on alcoholism on my desk, and there’s a pentagram burned into the carpet in my office. The day after an office holiday party is one full of regrets. Too much drink. Too much flirtation. Too much truth. The excesses are revealed the day after, and no matter how much you promise not to repeat the same mistakes next year, you always do. Always.
This year, I’ve written up a guide to keep you safe and prepared for next year. We’ll forgo the standard, don’t tell the boss to fuck off, don’t drink too much, advice. We’re going deeper this year.
Would I bang Casey Anthony? I’m not sure. Girl sure does like to party, and she’s just trashy enough to let you fingerbang her in the parking lot of a Ruby Tuesdays. But how does she stack up against other “alleged” female murders? I fed her data into our NASA-created Bang-O-Meter and came out with some results on a scale of 1 - 10.
Oscar night is just days away, do you know what that means? Absolutely nothing. Film appreciation, much like music appreciation is completely subjective and open to interpretation by each individual. Do not let the Academy tell you what was the best performance, but generally most people can tell what the good and bad films are. With the spirit of personal opinion and a celebration of movies in mind I have put together my ten favorite Westerns of all time. I’m a fan of the genre, not a super fan and again this is just one dude’s opinion but my list is after the break.
(Picture above is from upcoming movie Cowboys & Aliens which is NOT on my list…..yet)
A few years ago, I made a list of ten rules one should follow at the office holiday party. At the time, I was a peon working for a horrible online marketing company that specialized in stealing both you and your friends’ identities and selling them to advertisers for a stupid large amount of money.
A few years later and I’m now the co-founder of a new company that also steals the identity of everyone you know and sells it to the highest bidder, but the difference is - I’m in charge. So instead of going to a bar and getting shit-faced on well drinks, I decided to change things up a bit. This year, we took the staff to ride a mechanical bull. (See video above)
This inspired me to make a new list of holiday office party rules. One updated for the times. And here, for a new holiday season, are 10 more rules for the holiday office party.
You didn’t see it coming. It grabbed you by the ears, kneed you in the incisors, and fondled your woman. And while you’re on the ground picking up the fallen pieces of your life, you’re still unsure if what you just witnessed was either the greatest or worst thing that’s ever happened to you.
I’m talking about movie cameos.
When they don’t work, the really don’t work. (I’ll go out on a limb and say Brando’s cameo in Superman sucked ass. It’s out there - deal with it.) But when they do, it’s like dipping your testicles into warm butter and having supermodels lick them clean. After the break, we’ve collected some of the best celebrity cameos in film. The type of performances or scenes that elevated the movie substantially. The few seconds or minutes with a well-known celebrity who went in for a day of shooting and created something altogether genius.
