By Adam Ferguson
Would I bang Casey Anthony? I’m not sure. Girl sure does like to party, and she’s just trashy enough to let you fingerbang her in the parking lot of a Ruby Tuesdays. But how does she stack up against other “alleged” female murders? I fed her data into our NASA-created Bang-O-Meter and came out with some results on a scale of 1 - 10.
By Adam Ferguson
I spent the Thanksgiving holiday in Saratoga Springs, NY. This quaint town, pulled from the scripts of a Frank Capra movie, could serve as the very definition of “Americana.” Located at the foothills of the Adirondacks, Saratoga Springs is known for their horse racing and the natural springs that spout from the landscape. But there’s something else going on in this town - something incongruous with the town’s beauty - and the truth behind it is becoming more and more the new definition of “Americana.”
By Adam Ferguson
Last week, I wrote an article titled “Worst. Story. Ever.” and I stand by that claim. After all, it involved feces, rape, prisoners, STDs, and surgery. Also, it was 100% true. But like a cornucopia of filth, this city spews forth similar tales on a daily basis.
At a wedding this past weekend in which I was slightly buzzed on gin and tonics and quickly becoming less and less the center of attention thanks in no small part to the self-centered bride and groom, I decided to share the aforementioned tale with my table mates.
But little did I know my date for the evening would have a true tale to rival mine. Though it didn’t happen to her, she insists it’s true and I believe her.
By Adam Ferguson
There is a very real situation going on at the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Spring, MD. An armed gunman, identified as James J. Lee, walked into the building and is holding several people hostage with “devices” strapped to his chest. But like any good Malthusian protestor, he has posted demands. And while we at the Doctrine do not promote this type of action, and we hope for the safe release of all hostages, we would like to point one thing out in his list of demands:
“Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies…”
Are you kidding me? ”Froggies?” You walk into a building armed with a gun and explosives. You take hostages. And yet you use the term “froggies” in your list of demands? That’s like trying to fight Mike Tyson while wearing a pink ballerina outfit.
